After a long songwriting dry spell, I got back in the studio to write and record “Make-Believe.” I think it will be a bonus track for a special edition of “Illusions” to be released a bit later this year. I heard the beat (which was produced by Starz) and instantly fell in love – the lyrics just started flowing.

A teaser:

You’ll never know shame ’til you’ve been in my shoes
Watching as your life passes by, letting yourself be abused
You’ll never know pain ’til your love is removed
Failing to grasp the truth that he’s just using you

It fits with “Illusions.” I haven’t decided the overall theme for my next project quite yet, mostly because I’m not ready to break away from the last one’s theme – it was two years in the making, so it’s hard to get out of that songwriting mindset. The story is wrapping itself up now. The end of an era, I think… I hope. But there will be more, better, stories to tell.

I finished the remix of “Why.” About two weeks ago, that is. It was my first experiment in Auto Tune – oh so much fun (I tried it on different tracks, too – made me feel like T-Pain! Haha). I’m quite pleased with the remix’s outcome, in any case. It’s a refreshing change to the typical ballad sound that the original version is going for. I changed the lyrics around too – most noticeably in the second verse.

I originally wrote “Why” a year ago. Almost exactly a year ago. Hard to believe that much time has passed. I remember it being one of those moments where I saw things exceptionally clearly. I write best when I feel that way.

I realized I never got an answer to the questions I was asking; I also realized that, at some point along the way, I stopped needing the answers. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter why someone hurt you, it only matters that they did, and you can’t allow them to do it again. So I guess I wasn’t really asking him why he hurt me. I guess I was asking myself why I let him.

Well, the album is finally finished, as of the end of last month. I’m getting closer to finding my niche, I think. I’m quite proud of this one.

Of course, the fact that the album is finished leaves me with a bit of a project void. I decided I’d start working on some remixes, the first of which is going to be the remix to “Why.” So far I just have the music and the [slightly reworked] lyrics for it, but my plan is to do some preliminary recording this weekend.

I’m still trying to decide if I want to put a few songs up on iTunes, and mostly how best to go about it. CD Baby is an intriguing option. Anyway. Things to ponder.

In other news, I can’t stop listening to the new Mariah Carey album. I wish I could write like that. And sing like that, too, but that goes without saying. I do wish she’d put the song 100 Percent (from Precious) on the album as well, or at least released it as a single… I guess there’s still time. I just love that song.

Still working on the new album… and the redesign. The redesign is going well, at least. Haha. Nah, the album is going well, too, on the rare event that I get to sit down and work on it. I already tracked it out, which is supposed to come after the final mixdowns, but whatever. I do things out of order. I’m a rebel.

The album is… kind of melodramatic. I like it, though. It is what it is – it’s not trying to be anything else. I think a lot of R&B sounds like it’s trying to hard to be trendy, and as a result, it loses the soul and timelessness it used to have. And I love R&B, so I hate that I have to say that. Much of it has lost its soul. It might as well be bubblegum pop. So disappointing, isn’t it? I’m not breaking any new ground here. I’m not trying to. The reason I started getting into recording is because I wanted to listen to songs that hadn’t been written – the songs that were always forming in my head, the ones I scribbled in my journals and in the notebooks I was supposed to be using for school. I had all these ideas, and no one was using them, so… I might as well. I wanted something I could feel. I feel every single song I write. That’s what this album is. It’s as honest as I get.

After a very long dry spell, I’ve begun to feel creative again. In the past month, I’ve written at least seven songs, five of which are (or will be) worth listening to. The most recent is called “Why.” I think it’s among my favorite of this album, which is now called Illusions (named after another favorite). “Why” asks what I always wanted to ask, but never got the chance or the nerve. I’m pretty happy with it.The funny thing is, I wrote it about the past, but it’s turned out to be entirely too relevant for the present.Expect a lot of these types of songs for the album. I’m not sure when it’s going to be done, but I can tell you that it needs a lot of work, and I still have at least five songs to finish (and four to start!). I think the only ones I’m almost completely happy with are “Illusions” and “Why.” I’m pretty happy with “Talk Back,” and “Wasted” has a lot of potential. “Spent,” “Sorry,” and “Here I Am” are pretty much as done as they’re going to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy with the individual concepts, but it’s a little difficult to produce when you really have no idea what you’re doing.

A little drama goes a long way when it comes to writing music, I’ll tell you that much. I have enough material to last at least another year. (I’d kind of rather be writing happy songs, but hey, I’ll take what I can get… I guess… haha.)

I know I haven’t blogged for awhile. Okay, a few months. I’ve been busy working (yuck) and writing (yay). Yes, writing. So far, I’ve gotten through preliminary recording for a few songs for this next album. I may end up including the bonus tracks from Full Circle on the next release (”Sorry,” “Here I Am,” and “Spent,” which is one of my favorites and, as far as I’m concerned, is above bonus-track caliber), depending how well they fit with the concept for the new album. At the moment, I may end up calling it Love/Hate, partly because I just wrote a song by the same title, and partly because it fits well with the current concept. Half love, half hate. I also wrote one called “Need You/The Aftermath,” which is where the idea originated. So far, so good.

Song titles (in no particular order):

• Never (uptempo… may end up being the first track)
• Need You/The Aftermath (it’s a split ballad… the first half is happy and mushy, the second half is the aftermath of that… I’m really liking this one)
• Still In Love (midtempo with a catchy hook)
• Rewind (kind of an intense track… I hope it turns out well, I really like the concept)
• Walk Away (this lyric says it all: “you wanna talk about mistakes/you’re one I’ll never make again”)
• Ex-Girlfriend (the beat is great, it’s by Sinima and is reminiscent of Timbaland… I also have a rap verse from Sinima that I’m experimenting with, we’ll see if it makes it into the final cut)
• Love/Hate (it’s different… mixing will be challenging, but I’m still working on all the harmonies, so maybe it’ll be easier than I expect once I have more of it done)
• Wasted (very R&B… I literally just wrote it about an hour and a half ago. I’m working with different harmonies, and I really like where this one is going)

I’m pretty proud of these two songs. “Here I Am” is finally letting go of something I shouldn’t have been holding onto. Technically speaking, I’m really happy with the way the backing vocals turned out, as I was trying something I haven’t really done before. “Spent” is a song I’ve really been working on for two years and finally came to fruition about a week ago. I wrote the lyrics two years ago without a real melody in mind, and found a perfect fit last week. This is one of those songs where I remember exactly what I was feeling and experiencing when I wrote it, even two years later. I’d originally envisioned it as more of a ballad (similar to Christina Aguilera’s “Walk Away” from Stripped), but I think this kind of dramatic mid-tempo works even better.

Anyway, I’m also working on putting together a downloadable sample album, just with my favorite songs on “Full Circle.” I’ll post it in the extras section, mostly because I just realized it’s still empty.